after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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