I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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