Where is the hickey?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
