I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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