We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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