I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
