are you so shy because you have an std?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
