watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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