Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
