I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
