her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We have started to decorate penises.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
