he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
