If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
