well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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