id be glad to
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
