Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
