took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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