I am puke
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
