Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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