omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your cock deserves a montage
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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