dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
