Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
