I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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