My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
