There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
