just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
