The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
