Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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