like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
