i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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