he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't put those talents on a resume
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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