I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
