I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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