I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
