Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
