What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
