yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
