I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
