Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
