Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
home. puking in laundry basket.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
