I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
