yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Im part way to drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
