When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
