Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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