just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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