so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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