Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
