I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude. I can hear the air.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
