This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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