i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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