Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
