Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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